The Life-Giving Wounds retreat is designed for anyone over the age of 18 whose parents are no longer together. People of all backgrounds attend, but together they have one key thing in common: they have lost the love of their parents together. So whether a person’s parents divorced decades ago or last week, the retreat content will apply to them. The retreat is also for people whose parents are separated (but not legally divorced), received a declaration of nullity, were never married (maybe never even “together”) and are now broken up, and whose parents were married with high-conflict, such that they seemed to live separate existences under one roof.

 

Topics will include discussing: 

• Finding Our Deepest Identity

• Faith and Our Relationship with God
• Love, Dating, and the Sacrament of Marriage
• The Christian Meaning of Suffering
• Healing and the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist
• False Guilt and Shame
• Forgiveness and Reconciliation
• Family Boundaries

There will be meditations, small group discussion, time for personal prayer and reflection, lunch, Mass, the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and Eucharistic Adoration.

All presentations are given by trained, expert speakers, who are adult children of divorce from the national Life-Giving Wounds Retreat team, including the founder Dr. Daniel Meola. Fr. Timothy Christy will celebrate the Holy Mass and Eucharistic Adoration.

Yes, we welcome people of all faiths, and those who don’t belong to a faith; the shared commonality is a desire to find greater healing after one’s parents’ divorce or separation. All we ask is that participants realize that different Catholic Sacraments and spiritual practices will take place during a Life-Giving Wounds event, such as Mass, Eucharistic adoration, the Rosary, etc. For non-Catholics, we are happy to “walk through” the schedule in advance, in order to make sure they are completely comfortable with the Catholic environment. Participants are also able to opt for journaling or quiet reflection in lieu of a particular religious moment.
 

The ministry of Life-Giving Wounds primarily focuses on spiritual healing, with the goal of participants knowing more deeply that they are beloved sons and daughters of God and growing in the virtues of faith, hope, love, and joy. Ultimately, we hope that all participants can come to see the wound of their parents’ divorce or separation as a profound resource for love. For this healing to occur, witness and friendship are essential: witness from those who know this pain and have progressed on the path of healing, and friendship with those who “get it” and can accompany each other. These elements are a key part of all retreats and support groups.

We believe psychological healing is an important complement to the Life-Giving Wounds ministry, and we both encourage participants to consider attending professional therapy and provide, when possible, lists of local trained and trustworthy counselors and therapists. We also integrate sound psychological principles and advice into our programs. But our retreats and support groups do not include psychological counseling or therapy.
 

We encourage people to attend the retreat only if they feel emotionally capable of processing difficult situations and experiences from the past, as that is a key part of the retreat. We don’t want to put anyone into a position they are not ready for. We must allow healing to happen in God’s time, not our time. Also, if someone is seeing a counselor, psychologist, or spiritual director, then we highly recommend that they run this retreat by them in order to see if he or she thinks it is wise for them to attend at this time in their life. Remember, there will always be future opportunities.
 

We recognize that many people have already found significant healing after their parents’ divorce or separation, have been successful in their lives, established strong relationships, and feel close to God in their faith. Nonetheless, many participants tell us that this ministry opened their eyes to things they never thought of, which they found life-changing and important. (You can read some testimonies here.) Also, the reality is that often we can push things out of our mind that are still affecting us.

Put another way, we may need time to “thaw out” from painful experiences, so it is good to talk with others in similar circumstances to see if there is anything we can benefit from. The Life-Giving Wounds retreat doesn’t focus on the past in order to get “stuck” in the past, but to better live in the present. Therefore, we believe that this ministry has something to offer all adult children of divorce, no matter the amount of healing they have already received.
 

Yes, this ministry is for adults of various backgrounds, regardless of when their parents divorced or separated. We regularly have a mix of people whose parents divorced or separated when they were very young children, to whose parents just recently divorced or separated, and everything in between. All groups are usually represented and we seek to speak to the common wounds of all groups.
 

There are different approaches you could take. You could invite a sibling to go with you on the retreat. You could just simply speak about the effects of your parents’ divorce in your own life in order to open up a conversation, which could include mentioning this retreat or the website. Or if you have already made the retreat, then you could share about your own healing journey and how the retreat helped. Hearing about and seeing your own healing is attractive to others and will draw people naturally to this ministry over time. However, it is important to recognize that some siblings may not be ready to look at the wound for many years for a variety of reasons. Everyone “thaws” out differently from the pain of their parents’ divorce or separation, with very different timetables. For some, it may take decades. Healing happens in God’s time, not our own. Thus, pray for your siblings and that God opens the door for you to discuss this with them.

The retreat is only for adult children of divorce or separation who are seeking to heal their wounds. If you happen to also be an adult child of divorce or separation, then you may attend – if you do it seeking your own healing and not simply seeking information about your children. This retreat is not the place to find out information about your children’s struggles because having a divorced parent present can be a tremendous emotional trigger. Participants need a safe place where they can speak freely and not have the fear of accidentally upsetting divorced parents who do not understand their struggles from the inside. If you would like to learn more about your children’s wounds, then please check out Life-Giving Wounds' recommended reading and audio page.  
 

Before anything else, pray to God for your children’s healing and how best to approach this situation. Given your participation in the divorce (even if one was an unwilling participant or not the most at fault), it is very important for parents to suggest these opportunities with great humility, compassion, and a recognition of the pain caused to your children on account of the divorce. It is best if you start off with apologizing for the pain that the divorce has caused your children and that you are sorry for this reality without bringing up your own pain, attempting to minimize their pain, or defending your actions.

Then, after that, please listen to your children if they choose to share anything and grieve with them to connect with them. At the right moment during the conversation that ensues, you could then suggest that you heard that this may be helpful for them and give them information. Please then give space and time for them to make this decision in order to address the wound because it is a very difficult thing to address, especially in cases after many years of silence on this topic, and no one likes pressure to go. Everyone “thaws” out differently from the pain of their parents’ divorce or separation and it is not uncommon that their pain is brought up many years after the divorce or at various points throughout life as the wound hits them in a new or fresh way.
 

For more information, please visit: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/